Were you ever offered a bribe as a private investigator?

“Were you ever offered a bribe as a private investigator?”

Indeed, one time I was.

This was a case that had been sloughed off onto me after three other male P.I. pros could not get any video footage of the subject.

The subject was claiming that he had become totally disabled after sliding off the roof of his semi-truck in the rain and falling onto the pavement, sliding across the gravel and asphalt, where he severely scraped up his arms, face, torso and also broke a few bones.

“He claims he can’t even click a mouse anymore, and therefore he is 100% permanently disabled.”

The Workman’s Comp insurance company wasn’t buying it.

• **Enter Angela V. Woodhull, World’s Greatest P.I.*** (as dubbed by my publisher at Loompanics)

https://www.amazon.com/Private-Investigation-Strategies-Techniques-Greatest/dp/1559502142

So, I wanted to do something different.

I had to really think outside of the box on this case. Three pros had proceeded me, and nothing! They couldn’t get any meaningful footage of this guy.

The subject was pretty clever! He would simply look outside the window of his double wide trailer home and check for the white van with the tinted windows.

(P.I.s are famous for using those white vans with the tinted windows!)

As long as the white van was there, he’d stay inside.

He knew that inside the white van with the tinted windows in his dog patch neighborhood — a neighborhood complete with chicken wire fences and four wheel pick ups — was obviously a private investigator looking to catch him in action.

Well . . . . . .

It just so happened that the trailer next door to him was for rent!!!! (And I don’t drive a white van, by the way.)

I called the P.I. in South Florida who had fielded this job to me (as his “last resort”) and asked him, “Do you think your client will pay for me to rent the trailer next door?”

Indeed. The budget was approved.

Okay, so now I was next door neighbor to the “100% disabled man.” He saw me coming and going and thought nothing of it.

Within a few days, there he was, underneath a car, doing auto mechanic work!!!!

Yep!!! There was the “100% disabled man — who couldn’t even click a mouse — underneath a vehicle with his wrenches and drill.

Oh! It gets even better!

On the next to last day of this job, with nothing to lose, I pulled up next to his chicken wire fence and began openly videotaping him.

He looked up from his car, that he was just about to get into, and gave me one of those “WTF” looks.

So, I continued openly videotaping him, and then I waved at him and blew him some kisses.

With that . . .

He unlocked his car, started the engine, and then came on over to me, on the other side of his chicken wire fence.

As he approached my driver’s window, I rolled it down, zoomed in on his face, and continued videotaping.

“What’s up?” he asked me, smiling.

“You’re sooooo sexy!!!” I replied.

“I am in love with you!”

He chuckled with glee.

“But I’m a married man!” he retorted.

“Should that matter?” I asked him, batting my eyes at him, video camera still running.

“Look,” he replied. “I have to go into town now and check my mail.”

“Good! I’ll follow you!” I said.

“Okay,” he said, chuckling a little.

Now remember . . . .

He’s so disabled that he cannot drive a car.

So, here we were, driving down this two lane road in the middle of BFE, I’m behind him, videotaping all along the way.

We get to this area where there’s a convenient store and a little post office.

I follow him inside, still openly videotaping him.

He flashes me a bright smile as he bends down and unlocks his mail box.

Remember, dear readers! He’s too messed up to use his hands to even open a mailbox.

As he passes me, with the mail still in his unusable hands, I again express my undying love for him . . . .

. . . which he believed.

“I want you sooo bad!” I told him.

Anyway, the subject, smiling and obviously flattered, adamantly told me,

“Sorry! But I love my wife!! I cannot do anything dishonest behind her back!!”

Footnote: Later that evening, “honest man” seemed to have his suspicions. He sent his porky friend over to my trailer to talk to me.

“Look. We figured it out. We ran your license tag. You’re a private investigator. Now, just hand over that video footage to us. We have $10,000.00 in cash we can give you right now,” he declared. “Nobody will know the difference.”

Well . . .

$10,000 was certainly about triple what I was being paid for this P.I job.

***************

The next day, I turned over all of the video footage to the South Florida P.I. who had hired me.

And so, the video footage of those lovely “unusable” hands — driving a car, repairing a vehicle, and opening a mail box, etc., was turned over to my boss . . . . who chuckled in glee.

Indeed, the claimant dropped his Workman’s Comp case!!