Is It Worth Having Children? A Lesson from Mahatma Gandhi’s Son
~by~ Angela V. Woodhull, Ph.D.
Gandhi had four sons: Harilal (1888–1948), Manilal (1892–1956), Ramdas (1897–1969), and Devadas (1900–1957). Harilal and Manilal were born in India, while the other two were born in South Africa where the Gandhis resided for 21 years.
It is often claimed that Gandhi failed to properly guide his sons.
How did Gandhi treat his sons? Unlike the typical passionate father figure, Gandhi prioritized the values he believed in above all else. Life, to him, was an experiment with truth. He raised his children to follow the principles he practiced and advocated to the world. He avoided being a hypocrite by not appearing on stage wearing Khadi while buying silk for his own children.
When Gandhi entered a hermitage, his children were still young boys. They came to the Phoenix Ashram when Devadas was just four years old. The ashram housed a variety of people, including lepers, and everyone had their own responsibilities. Gandhi treated everyone with equal affection and concern, including his sons. He did not grant them any special privileges, for if he had, he wouldn’t have been true to his principles.
Harilal, the eldest son, was born and raised in an Indian environment. Until Gandhi returned to India from England after completing his barrister studies in 1891, Harilal lived in Gandhi’s house without truly getting to know him. In 1883, when Gandhi left for South Africa, he entrusted Harilal to live with his elder brother in Rajghat, where he was studying.
Gandhi’s personality underwent a revolutionary change in 1903 when he renounced everything and adopted a simple life guided by strict principles. Until then, circumstances prevented a direct father-son relationship between Gandhi and Harilal.
Harilal grew up in Rajghat in a wealthy family, without his father’s close supervision. Through the writings of authors like Sarat Chandra, Mouni, and Ku.Pa.Raa, we can glimpse into the lives of urban Indian youth during that era. Harilal, living in an affluent environment, succumbed to the prevalent vices of taking concubines and alcohol addiction.
During that time, with limited postal services, South Africa seemed like a distant country. Harilal married Gulab without Gandhi’s knowledge. Harilal lacked intelligence and couldn’t pass the Matriculation examination. He struggled to make decisions for himself, often relying on his friends to shape his life.
Upon learning of Harilal’s educational failure, Gandhi extended an invitation for him to join the Phoenix Ashram and participate in his struggles. As Harilal arrived in South Africa, Gandhi involved him in the fight against racism.
During this time, Gandhi had fully renounced luxuries and embraced a simple and austere way of life. He imposed strict rules on himself and those around him. However, the eighteen-year-old Harilal struggled to comprehend and adapt to this new lifestyle. In the Ashram, Gandhi treated Harilal no differently from others, showing him no special privileges. This deeply wounded Harilal.
Even Kasturba, Gandhi’s wife, found it challenging to accept the changes. She too rebelled against Gandhi’s actions, particularly his decision to have untouchables live alongside them and the practice of everyone taking turns to clean the communal toilets. It is difficult for us today to fully grasp the impact and significance of this move a century ago.
Despite his strictness, Gandhi would always surrender to Kasturba’s tears, as evident from his autobiography. Gradually, he managed to persuade Kasturba to fully embrace his ways. However, Harilal struggled to adjust and suffered from mental disturbance.
Gandhi persistently tried to make Harilal understand his objectives and principles, but Harilal’s intellectual capacity remained below average throughout his life, hindering his ability to comprehend Gandhi’s teachings. Gandhi appeared foreign and incomprehensible to him.
From Harilal’s perspective, Gandhi had denied him a life of luxury. Harilal, who enjoyed extravagance, despised working on the farm. However, Gandhi staunchly believed in the principle that everyone should engage in manual labor, including himself and his sons.
Gandhi strongly opposed Western education and advocated for Indian education. He was the first to voice the importance of education in one’s mother tongue in India. However, Harilal had aspirations of studying in Britain and becoming a barrister. He sought financial assistance from Gandhi, despite lacking the necessary basic education, as he had never passed the Matriculation examination.
By 1910, Gandhi had completely detached himself from materialistic pursuits and embraced an ascetic life. He worked for the Natal Indian Congress, earning a meager salary, and was unable to provide financial assistance to Harilal. When Harilal suggested seeking help from South African industrialists, Gandhi disapproved.
As a result, Harilal cut all ties with his family and returned to India in 1911. He already had a drinking problem. Back in India, he made several unsuccessful attempts to pass the Matriculation examination. Relying on the financial support from Gandhi’s family, he lived a lazy and drunken life, maintaining three concubines in Ahmedabad.
In 1915, when Gandhi returned to India, the completely broke Harilal, abandoned by his concubines and pursued by creditors, turned to Gandhi for money to start a business. At that time, Gandhi was almost penniless, working as a public servant. Gandhi urged Harilal to join him in the freedom struggle and give up his bad habits. However, due to Harilal’s insistence, Gandhi relaxed his principles and recommended him to a company in Kolkata, giving him a chance to reform.
While working in Kolkata, Harilal embezzled a large sum of money from the company and started his own business. He squandered the money extravagantly and lost everything. When he was accused of fraud, Gandhi was deeply shocked. Despite his mental anguish, Gandhi instructed the officials to treat Harilal justly and not show any leniency because he was his son. Harilal was subsequently imprisoned.
Upon his release, Harilal sought refuge with Gandhi. Despite being aware of his son’s nature, Gandhi embraced him and made efforts to improve his health and steer him away from his vices. However, Harilal’s unethical character remained unchanged. He took advantage of Gandhi’s affection, collaborating with a fraudulent gang to exploit Gandhi’s name and deceive people into investing in fake businesses. The money was squandered on alcohol and prostitution.
It came to light that many poor individuals had lost their money due to Harilal’s schemes. The defrauded victims filed complaints with the government. These were the darkest days of Gandhi’s life, as rumors spread that he himself was involved in the fraud. Gandhi publicly denounced Harilal and appealed to everyone not to give him any money in his name.
After leaving Gandhi, Harilal descended into severe alcoholism. He continued to extort money from people using Gandhi’s name and wandered aimlessly as a wastrel. He was arrested multiple times for engaging in public altercations, petty theft, cheating, and solicitation. He subjected his wife, Gulab, to daily beatings and tormented her for money. In despair, Gulab became bedridden and eventually succumbed to cholera. Gandhi took on the responsibility of raising their children.
During this period, Harilal threatened Gandhi, claiming he would take the children away and extorted money from him. Despite this, Gandhi pleaded with Harilal to stay with him. However, by then, Harilal had become accustomed to a life on the streets.
Harilal pressured Gandhi to arrange his remarriage, but knowing his son’s character, Gandhi stubbornly refused. Harilal sent harshly worded letters reprimanding Gandhi, to which Gandhi responded, advising him to control his senses.
Gandhi made numerous attempts to communicate with Harilal and convey his principles, but Harilal remained unwilling to listen. Gandhi reached out to his other sons, requesting their help in rescuing Harilal. He never placed blame on Harilal himself, instead taking responsibility for his son’s behavior. Gandhi believed that he lacked sufficient spiritual power to reform Harilal.
In 1942, during the time when the Muslim League was demanding Pakistan and conducting propaganda against Gandhi, Harilal was approached by Islamic religious leaders who converted him to Islam. He changed his name to Abdulla Gandhi and Muslims helped settle his debts. They took him around the country in Muslim attire, encouraging him to denounce Gandhi. Harilal also visited Chennai, where he often lost consciousness on podiums due to heavy drinking. However, in Karachi, when a Muslim cleric slandered Gandhi on stage, Harilal retaliated by beating him with his slippers.
Gandhi was deeply hurt by Harilal’s religious conversion. He stated that he would have welcomed it if Harilal had embraced Islam with genuine conviction. Gandhi was unhappy because he saw Harilal’s conversion, which exploited his weakness as an addict for political purposes and led him to slander his own father, as a degradation of the Prophet himself.
Ironically, Harilal openly declared that his conversion was solely for the sake of obtaining liquor. Once he was no longer useful, the Muslim League abandoned him. After returning to the streets, he converted back to Hinduism. However, Gandhi did not accept this either. He believed that Harilal should be loyal to Islam since he had accepted the religion and that all religions are ultimately one.
In 1947, when India gained independence, Harilal was reduced to begging on the streets. In 1948, during Gandhi’s funeral, Harilal expressed remorse for his past actions, but no one recognized him.
Gandhi’s death served as a turning point for Harilal. The stubbornness that prevented him from understanding his father disappeared, and he deeply mourned Gandhi. Unfortunately, his liver was already damaged, and five months after Gandhi’s death, on June 18, 1948, Harilal passed away in Mumbai Municipal Hospital.
While Harilal’s life was a tragic drama, it was not an uncommon one. In India, individuals who strive to follow their principles often face similar ordeals. This can be seen in the lives of many Gandhians and early communists. The simple explanation is that idealism and family welfare do not always align, as family welfare often carries selfishness at its core.
The relationship between a father and a son is not a simple linear equation. A son grows up both inheriting and rejecting the qualities of his father. There is often a mixed feeling of rejection and admiration towards the father in a son’s subconscious mind. The environment plays a significant role in shaping the dynamics between them. It is ultimately a matter of destiny.
Harilal lacked the intellectual and spiritual capacity to embrace the higher ideals of Gandhism. However, he longed for Gandhi to be a father figure to him alone. He was incapable of receiving what his great father had to offer, and this resentment turned him into an enemy of Gandhi.
Harilal’s death was akin to “hara kiri,” a Japanese method of suicide where one tears open their stomach at the doorstep of their enemy. Harilal metaphorically destroyed himself in front of his father, wanting to die in his presence. He never forgot his father and considered no one as important as him. Without his father, Harilal had no life. He was like Gandhi’s dark shadow, and when the object of his shadow vanished, Harilal himself disappeared.
Harilal Gandhi can be viewed as the antithesis of his father, Mahatma Gandhi. He embodied everything that Gandhi abstained from, such as lust, extravagance, drinking, arrogance, and cheating. It is a remarkable paradox. One could say that Harilal perfectly filled the void in Gandhi’s life, representing his suppressed desires. Harilal challenged Gandhi, saying, “If you are a Mahatma, overcome and surpass me.” The greatest challenge Gandhi faced was his own son, Harilal.
Harilal was like a thorn that deeply pierced Gandhi’s soul. Gandhi tried to heal this wound through tears and penance.
However, was Gandhi at fault in Harilal’s case? It is widely known that he was not. Harilal was not brought up under his guidance, which was not Gandhi’s fault. Many fathers throughout history have faced similar situations. Gandhi made numerous attempts, with extraordinary patience, to rehabilitate his son.
It is astonishing to consider how many times Gandhi forgave Harilal and provided him with endless opportunities. Each time, Harilal cruelly shattered Gandhi’s hopes, only to return to him after committing more atrocities. And Gandhi, with tears in his eyes, accepted him back each time, and took the blame upon himself. But each time, Harilal’s mean-spiritedness increased due to Gandhi’s boundless generosity. Until the end, Gandhi tirelessly attempted to forgive and reclaim his son, persistently engaging him in heart-felt conversations.
When Harilal came to live with Gandhi in 1906, he was already eighteen years old, with a fully formed personality. To him, Gandhi was a complete stranger. Harilal had already adopted all the bad habits that endlessly plagued him.
Nowadays, some so-called “research” attempts to blame Gandhi for Harilal’s wretched choices.
One argument suggests that Harilal’s actions were a result of Gandhi denying him the opportunity to become a barrister. However, these blamers fail to consider that Harilal did not pass the matriculation examination six times. Is that also supposed to be Ghandi’s fault? Another argument is that Harilal turned to alcoholism because Gandhi did not agree to his remarriage.
Gandhi always blamed himself for his wretched son. He remained perpetually ready to forgive and embrace Harilal.
But in the end, it was Harilal who made his own disturbing decisions time and time again.
Perhaps if Harilal had been raised on the principles of Confucianism, he would have grown mature and appreciative of his world-renowned, selfless father.
Confuscius taught filial piety. Confucius said: “A young man should serve his parents at home and be respectful to elders outside his home. He should be earnest and truthful, loving all, but become intimate with humaneness. After doing this, if he has energy to spare, he can study literature and the arts.”
